As long as you need me, I will always be here.

Wednesday, October 07, 2015


This girl turned 5 today. My dear little girl.

The other day we were making a box-toy for her and of all the things that she could write on it, she wrote "Bella and mommy".

It touched my heart.

At this age, she still does has a deep attachment to me. Even though these days there are more and more things that she prefers to do herself.

Even though sometimes she does not want to be kissed anymore.

My firstborn, the first one who ever taught me how unsettling it is to have another heart beating outside my body. The vulnerable, worrisome state of mind. The panic that overwhelms me whenever I let myself think too much about the bad things that could possibly happen that could take my heart away.

"Bella and mommy"

Later that night, I stared at her quirky writing, sat for a while and pondered on what could have possibly been in her mind.

Ever since Khaleeli arrived, she has been trying to be the best sister.

She shows her affection, offered her help, tried to stay calm and hold her patience whenever the little brother gets on her nerves.

Occasionally, she lost it. Most of the time it is over a toy. She gets really upset when the brother messes with her stuff. Well, which sister doesn't?

She has grown up a lot.

"Bella and mommy"

I shall hold on to this attachment as long as I can.

As long as you need me, Bella. I'll always be here.

And when one day you are all blossomed and ready to let go, remember that you will always be my strong, beautiful beating heart.

One that I will always cherish and safeguard dearly for the rest of my life.

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