Monday, August 10, 2015

The day I made a major, life-changing decision

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Today the deal is sealed. Everything has became official.

Finally, what I have been planning for almost 5 years is now becoming a reality. Sometimes I sit down and wonder whether I have really made the decision, and then I remember clearly that I have really made it. For real.

It was not an easy decision to make, but the reasons were very clear. Nothing was clouding me from the reason why I want to do it.

The only thing that was holding me back was uncertainties.

Those typical "what if" questions that always haunt me whenever I am supposed to make a decision. Those bewildering thoughts that sometimes blew out of proportion and cause me to question my own state of mind. Those kind of things.

Then again, I really wanted to do it.

It was timely. Everything seems to be falling in place and I knew that I should do it.

Hati dah bulat. Dah nekad.

All I needed was a little push.

Like sending people off a cliff for a bungee jump that they always wanted to take. That little nudge that sends them off to an exhilarating journey that they would want to do again and again.

That heavy feeling of dread and then the wonderful feeling of relief.

I was glad that the push happened. It came from someone who once stood at the same place.

I told her about my uncertainties, my worries.

All she told me was for me to have faith. In God, the one who is always there but also the One that I tend to forgot amid my worldly affairs.

Rezeki, ketentuan di tangan Allah. Believe in Him, His plans.

Next thing I knew, I was off the cliff. Flying and enjoying every bit of the relief.

~~~~~

The day I tendered my resignation was the day that I would remember forever.

I took out my second copy of my letter, did a final proofread of my words and folded it neatly. I stood up and sat down again.

I looked up to check if the lights in my boss's room was on. That indicated whether he was in or out.

He was in.

I climbed the flight of stairs that leads to his office, knocked on the door, asked to see him, given permission and sat down.

Judging from his looks, he was not so surprised. I asked him and he said he kind of saw it coming (there were rumours).

After around 5 minutes of talking and some apologies and thank yous, I left his room.

My heart was pounding as I climbed down the stairs back to my cubicle.

I sat down on my chair, leaned back and thought to myself.

"Damn, I did it. No turning back now"

I went home that day, still full of worries and uncertainties in my head.

Despite them all, I continued with my routine and went to bed.

I woke up the next day with all the worries gone. Completely.

Then only I was at ease. It was serenity.

I woke up feeling renewed, and looking forward to the months ahead.

7 comments:

Fatimah Al-Attas said...

Well done! So happy for you!!!! Nothing like chasing something you want and finally getting it :)

Husna Hadzarami said...

I envy you...
Belum boleh buat lagi, so many commitments (hutang) for the time being.
Good luck babe :)

Shakina Farhan said...

All the best! welcome to the club..hihi

Ayuni Ayatillah said...

Thank you everyone. Yeah susah nak buat decision to become a WAHM mom but it feels so right when I finally did it! :)

Puan Hazel said...

Welcome to the club Ayuni :) I was having the same feeling for years before I finally tendered my resignation. My experience was an emotional one, because I was with the company for more than a decade. I cried in front of my boss... hahaha

Ayuni Ayatillah said...

Tq Hazel. I think I can relate to you too. I have been working here for almost 9 years now. I just hope I don't cry on my last day hahaha

Serenely said...

Best wishes out to you in this grand new venture! Exciting (and possibly scary) times are ahead. But it will all be good. Even when it feels bad, the good will trump everything else in the end! Look forward to hearing more

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