Thursday, February 05, 2015

An empty house, a weird feeling.



My unpaid leave is ending soon.

It is close to 6 months since I had Khaleeli but to be honest, I am nothing near ready for work again.

Although sometimes I do miss my worklife (mostly the social part actually), I am, most of the time willing to ditch them for my current life. I also do miss the part where I get to enjoy more me-time, but again, same situation as mentioned earlier.

Some people asked me whether I am REALLY going back to work. Like why not just resign now and forget it?

I wish things are that simple.

Khaleeli has just started going to daycare since Monday. My heart was heavy as I left him with his caregivers, but I consoled myself by thinking that it has to happen anyway. He is not a very big fan of bottle feeding and the caregivers and I were ready if he has some hard time accepting it.

"Takpa, kita cuba pelan2 ye"

"Baby baru memang la menangis sikit..biasa la tu. Nak biasakan diri"

Those are the words Kak Midah,the daycare owner said to me. She kept on repeating them, I know that she knows how I feel. I appreciate that she tries her best to convince me that things are going to be fine. I trust that she is able to give my child the best care, so here we are hanging on to day 3.

The house is empty as I am writing this. Bella too is away at school, hubby is away for work.

This silence is nowhere near calm, and it feels so wrong. I made myself a nice lunch but I did not enjoy it because I was missing my children. Heck, gulping it down while the kids are tugging my pants tastes better than that.

Weird.

I have a long list of things to do, in which many of them can be completed quickly without the kids around. I don't see myself completing it though. I am lost and I don't know where to start.

Funny.

Guess this officially makes me a stay-at-home mommy. Although it won't be for long now. In a few weeks things will change again, and I hope my courage is renewed as I juggle another set of new routines.

Off to pick up the kids now. Can't stand this silence any longer.

2 comments:

Serenely said...

I can definitely relate in a way to this post. Although I don't have an empty house, since my eldest boy just started school, the house seems to be so much quieter without him. The other kids almost feel a little lost without him around, and I do to in a way. Well, hope you all are settling in well into this new routine!

Ayuni Ayatillah said...

Thanks Serene :)

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