Braving past the baby blues

Wednesday, October 29, 2014


We are all creatures of habits.

Once we get comfortable with something, most of us will want to keep it that way. Any changes that happens will result in some sort of resistance. If it is bad, we resist earlier on and try to prevent that change from happening. If it is good, we force ourselves to adapt, because we know that such change is necessary.

In any way, changes do not happen so easily.

I have 2 children now. Two precious and wonderful children to call my own, thank you Allah.

It is a major change to my life, and in honesty, I am still adapting.

The decision to have a 2nd child is not mine alone - hubby and I, we decided together. I am blessed to have a husband who is willing to work together when it comes to having children. So, when we felt that Bella is independent enough, we decided to have another baby.

Along comes Khaleeli.

The earlier days of my confinement was filled with some sort of a struggle with myself.

Apparently, I forgot how demanding a newborn could be, and I underestimated how an older sibling like Bella could behave when suddenly the world does not revolve around her anymore.

I was sleep-deprived, fatigued and my whole body ached - it made me feel so weak and out of control. The baby seems to be hungry forever, and the sister decided to display her rebellious sides. It was all so overwhelming.

My husband had to leave for work for a whole week, and the day he went away, I cried like a baby. I did it discreetly of course, knowing that if my mom found out I would have a scold from her for not keeping my emotions together.

I felt miserable and I resented the changes, but deep down inside I know that I have to endure it.

In retrospect, I am so grateful that I chose to have my confinement days at my mom's. As much as I love my alone time, I also need people around me and that also kept me from losing my sanity.

As my body healed, my emotions did too. I may have dangerously let my thoughts dwell in the dark, but I am also grateful that I still had my faith in God and my senses to anchor me down.

It has been more than 2 months since I had Khaleeli, and things are getting better. It is true that time heals, and I am slowly gaining my pace.

I have a whole new routine set everyday, twice the things that needs to be done, but I am OK.

I still have to deal with interrupted sleep and tending to my baby, but I am OK.

I have aching shoulders, sore breasts and tired arms, but I am OK.

Bella is still driving me up the wall with her newfound independence, but I am OK.

My social life has came to a halt, but I am OK.

Alhamdulillah, yes , I think am definitely OK.

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