Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Braving past the baby blues


We are all creatures of habits.

Once we get comfortable with something, most of us will want to keep it that way. Any changes that happens will result in some sort of resistance. If it is bad, we resist earlier on and try to prevent that change from happening. If it is good, we force ourselves to adapt, because we know that such change is necessary.

In any way, changes do not happen so easily.

I have 2 children now. Two precious and wonderful children to call my own, thank you Allah.

It is a major change to my life, and in honesty, I am still adapting.

The decision to have a 2nd child is not mine alone - hubby and I, we decided together. I am blessed to have a husband who is willing to work together when it comes to having children. So, when we felt that Bella is independent enough, we decided to have another baby.

Along comes Khaleeli.

The earlier days of my confinement was filled with some sort of a struggle with myself.

Apparently, I forgot how demanding a newborn could be, and I underestimated how an older sibling like Bella could behave when suddenly the world does not revolve around her anymore.

I was sleep-deprived, fatigued and my whole body ached - it made me feel so weak and out of control. The baby seems to be hungry forever, and the sister decided to display her rebellious sides. It was all so overwhelming.

My husband had to leave for work for a whole week, and the day he went away, I cried like a baby. I did it discreetly of course, knowing that if my mom found out I would have a scold from her for not keeping my emotions together.

I felt miserable and I resented the changes, but deep down inside I know that I have to endure it.

In retrospect, I am so grateful that I chose to have my confinement days at my mom's. As much as I love my alone time, I also need people around me and that also kept me from losing my sanity.

As my body healed, my emotions did too. I may have dangerously let my thoughts dwell in the dark, but I am also grateful that I still had my faith in God and my senses to anchor me down.

It has been more than 2 months since I had Khaleeli, and things are getting better. It is true that time heals, and I am slowly gaining my pace.

I have a whole new routine set everyday, twice the things that needs to be done, but I am OK.

I still have to deal with interrupted sleep and tending to my baby, but I am OK.

I have aching shoulders, sore breasts and tired arms, but I am OK.

Bella is still driving me up the wall with her newfound independence, but I am OK.

My social life has came to a halt, but I am OK.

Alhamdulillah, yes , I think am definitely OK.

5 comments:

Tishya said...

Wahey way to go mummy! U'll be fine :)

Ayuni Ayatillah said...

Thanks beb :*

Nurul said...

Salam..
Am tearing up reading this post..(i blame it on my pregnancy hormones)..haha
With baby no.2 is on the way, i somehow can relate with everything u said. Iman is very clingy now, and i'm tired all the time.......
But as you said, i am OK.
Yes, we all gonna be OK.
Take care dear..and give khaleeli loadsa hugs n kisses from me..arituh akikah, baby tido..kak irda tk sempat nk dukung.. ; )
And hopefully your breastfeeding journey going to be smooth sailing too..

Serenely said...

Hi there Ayuni! Thanks so much for saying hello on my blog. Your blog is such a great find for me too! I've been enjoying perusing through your posts and reading about your journey. Congrats on the addition to your family... and thanks for this honest post about the struggles you are currently undergoing. It's such a strange to be in isn't it... both incredible joy, yet such an emotional roller coaster ride too... big highs and deep lows. I hope to keep on following your journey.

Ayuni Ayatillah said...

Kak Irda : Thanks! :* Its OK kak, u'll be fine :) Hang in there and stay strong. Insya Allah dipermudahkanNnya.

Serene : Hi Serene! Thanks for dropping by :) Indeed, I guess many moms could relate to how I felt during this episode. I am just glad I made it through :)

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